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I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t