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Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?