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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
really vry funny
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"
heyy lol