Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.