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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me.
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"