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My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?