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If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!