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Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her