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This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
I need new swear words.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.