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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I`d choke to death swallowing it.
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?