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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
Whenever you can`t think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I`ve been thinking about killing you."
I just want you to be happy. And naked.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.