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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d like to bring a guest.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
My own personal hell sounds great, actually