Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife is pissed at me again. Apparently I`m breathing wrong.
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
You`re never too old to throw random sh*t in people`s shopping carts when they aren`t looking.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.