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At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I’m forty. I have one.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.