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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
People will do odd things to get even.
Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
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You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.