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I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
2 words, 1 finger.
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.