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I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.