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Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.