Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"