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Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.