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It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.