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I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
I`d hit that. - women drivers
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.