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I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
After I die, there are some people Iām going to haunt the sh!t out of.
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.