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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.