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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
People at work tell me I have a lot of patience. Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`