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How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
You say Iām not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If Iām not cold, Iām hot. I know Iām hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day