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Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.