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My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I’m not falling for that.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
I`ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house