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Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.