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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.