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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
I accidentally spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
Line forms here for spankings
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car