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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
Some families are like Snickers Bars. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts!
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.