Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think.