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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
My tricks aren`t for kids.
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care