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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.