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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
I love all religions. They bring holidays .