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Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
about love
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
Relationships are like yard sales. They look good from a distance, but once you get there it`s just a bunch of sh!t you don`t really need.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.