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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO