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I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
Son: am I adopted? Me: not yet, but we`re hopeful.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.