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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!