Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats! Many of you are about to be grandparents!
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
I need a new bad decision.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.
They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.