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Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.