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Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.