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Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?