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Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
I am the bestest at the English language...
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2