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Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
10% of people genuinely care about your problems. The other 90% are glad that you’ve got them.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
I was born at a very early age.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers