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In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.