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I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.