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Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.