Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.