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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.