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Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
“Nevermind.” Translation... You should’ve listened the first time.
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.