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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.